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If yes, you deserve penance—only bread and water for three years on fast days. It is also possible that the ancient dildo was not intended for penetration, as evidenced by the signs of wear on the object’s exterior, which may suggest it was used to stimulate the clitoris. Life during ancient China’s Han dynasty (206 BC to AD 220) appears to have constantly swayed between the strangely familiar and the oddly eccentric, as these newly revealed artifacts show. In what is now Balat, Turkey, Miletus was known as the olisbos production and distribution center.

This erotic "cartoon" suggests that someone was exploring the concept of artificial stimulation. The female figure depicted painting her lips is positioned atop an inverted vase with a pointed base while her partner points his finger toward her intimate area. The archaeological record provides evidence of phallic decoration with dots and lines practiced in the European Palaeolithic period, between 28,000 to 11,000 BC. These designs were made on the surface of the penis for identification or ornamental purposes and included scars, holes, and marks intentionally created by prehistoric people.

The Strategist’s best-selling vibrator, the Vibe from Maude, launched four years ago with a highly SFW gray-and-forest-green website that looks more like a place to buy linen goods or silk button-downs than sex toys. The Vibe is made with 100 percent platinum-grade silicone (Restriction of Hazardous Substances passed/FDA grade), has three speeds controlled via one button, comes in a small canvas zip pouch, and charges with a USB. Maude founder Éva Goicochea and co–creative director, actress Dakota Johnson, recently launched a second egg-shaped vibrator called the Drop (see below).

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